what leads to what?

butterfly effect, chem reactions, essays.

i have been watching butterfly effect, mugging chem, and writing essays. these three things have a link: you never know what's gonna happen.

well. americans are smart. they ask me submit one essay, and they know that the seemingly easy task would make me really headache.

coz that's the only chance i have.

so i stay up late in the night again, trying to get something out.

trying to change my future.

trying to tell myself, that life is still uncertain. i used to believe that essay usually makes AO change his mind. now, i still believe so, because i have to.

well, i kinda like the life now. i have to pay for the time i wasted, and people who worked harder get better results. so it's fair.

but i am willing to pay. it's never too late to change. i hope my essay will get me somewhere.

fingers crossed.

what's so special

i ve just been to a US university talk. mr kevin sim seems to be an interesting person. he is frank, humourous and stylish.

in the talk, he highly accentuated the fact that we are more or less the same. we all go for CCAs, SYFs, CIPs, we all hold postitions in various places. and all these make us homogeneous. AO dont like duplicates. so the matter is, how to be special.

this question got me.

in retrospect, i had spent my first 14 years in a little town in China. then, i came to Singapore and spent another 4 years here. that's not fascinating.

i play the flute and i love playing it. i took part in the flute competition last year and i screwed it up. it was really embarassing, but i still love playing the flute. maybe i can have some ideas out of this. but too many people play the flute. i need something unique out of me.

i am not good at my studies and i do not have any olympiad gold medals. i dont have medals, not even interclass soccer.

i have a very good relationship with my parents. they would like to listen to me and i still ask for their guidance. i believe my family has shaped my mind in an interesting way, but mr sim says two points. one, dont write about relationships. two, dont use your first idea.

i thought it would be a good idea to write about how my parents and their behaviours shaped my personalities in a way they themselves cannot understand. maybe i have a better one. i do hope so.

in fact, i am still living a routine life. i go to school, sleep in classes, do my tutorials, struggle through my exams. in rj, where you have vast but limited number of choices, every permutation and combination is tried by people around me. i am always in the middle. in the middle of nowhere.

nevertheless, the talk inspired me a little. it makes me believe that i have something special. something different from every other human on earth. i doubted its existence, but mr sim denied the doubt. he kicked me out of depair and now, i find myself in an unknown place, looking for things i dont really know. the only hint i got was one word: inspiration.

mr sim said happily, "inspiration can come from any where!"    oops. time to collect sparks.

the blog

i spent one hour to notice the link enabled me to retrieve my passoword.

i dont believe in the fun brought by technology, so i cant really enjoy it.

it has been a long time since my last entry. i am now in J2, the year of mugging juxtaposed with emotional turbulence. now, i am seeing a more prominent conflict between meritocracy and the urge of having a more peaceful life. the conflict will stay, but the time will not. the clock is still ticking and i am geting nearer and nearer to A level and death. i should care about the former more.

my uncled told me that life is long. to use a trite metaphor, it's like marathon. so i pick up this blog once i used to have for my english homework. i hope i can doodle the sparks of my mind on the blog.

i dont expect myself to write blog everyday, even every week. but i think i will find something worthy to put in here.